Today's Lesson: People don't change.

I am rather optimistic. I like to believe in the best of people. Sometimes I’m proven wrong.

I had tried to befriend a person and they just played games with me. I don’t know why. I was always forthright with my intentions but they made a mockery of me. I thought they were a person who got it. Who stood for peace and equality not cruelty. They turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I knew by doing things to laugh at me – not with me.

Bounce ahead, four or so years. I still wanted to believe the best of this person. I thought their duplicity was a result of peer pressure so maybe outside of that setting they’ll be a decent person. I don’t like to make a villain out of anyone and I try to see the best. I don’t like having negativity associated with people so I wanted to see if they had change in the past four years. My findings were conclusive that they haven’t. It’s the same old song and dance.

When I told my doctor that I thought this person would change, she laughed at me. I know I’m a completely different person than I was four years ago because I am always working on improving myself. I want to be the best I can be. Apparently, most humans don’t operate that way. They don’t change unless they have a reason to change – and even then sometimes they don’t. Most cases they get worse. I don’t get it.

I am always reading and educating myself. I try to talk to as many people as I can about anything and everything. I have a genuine desire to help the world. I have learned you can’t help the world until you help yourself first. It was a hard lesson for me because I always want to put everyone and everything else first but sometimes you got to make sure you are okay before you can make sure other people are okay. Even on airplanes, they tell you to put your air mask on first before helping others. There’s a method to this madness.

I am disappointed that there are jerks in the world. I always thought life was about living – I mean really living and not letting hatred or pettiness cloud your vision. I would like to think of the world as a big human community – like how we come together for things like Haiti. Why do we only come together in times of disaster? I think the world would be amazing if we kept the community spirit all the time.

This person is beyond my comprehension. I used to try to understand other’s perspective and points of view until I met them. I realize I can have no idea what goes on in another person’s head. It really isn’t my concern either. One of the hardest things I have is finding people who want friendship and connection. Just finding anyone who’s willing to accept love and kindness is really hard. Obviously, this person doesn’t. Not from me anyways.

It’s a hard thing for me to accept that I can’t befriend the entire world. I wish I could. It upsets me that there are people who hate me without even knowing me. That there is even hate at all. But that’s reality.