The Gender Binary is a form of hierarchy and oppression t-shirt.
Oh yeah. My latest design. Get it here.
Meaning of “Not Gay as in Happy – But Queer as in F*ck You”
For me, the saying is a stand against assimilation and being a socially acceptable gay. It’s about not being an Ellen or a Rachel Maddow that heterosexuals feel safe letting into their homes on their television set. It is about being who you are without regard for needing society’s acceptance.
It’s not safe being queer. I get looks, snide remarks, and was even assaulted. It brings on a different meaning when someone has violated your rights and injured you for being who you are. It’s a “F*ck you” to those people who have a problem with you being queer. It’s a “F*ck yeah” to those who are with you.
It’s distinguishing your queerness from socially acceptable gayness. It’s reclaiming the word “queer” from being an insult to being a badge of honor. It’s about being proud to be here, to be you, to be queer. It’s aggressive, in your face, and punk as f*ck.
With that being said, I have had some people express how they just don’t like the patches because it feels “nasty” however they have never been faced with the nastiness the world dishes forth; the hate, violence, lack of acceptance, and intolerance for merely being yourself for being queer. It’s a stand against injustice and inequality. It’s standing up for who you are in a world that oppresses you. It’s saying “I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m not going anywhere.”
*****
Back patch
Starting my own business! Trying to sell things for startup money.
After a failed attempt to find a job, I have decided to start my own business. However, I need a couple of hundred dollars to order the goods to sell. I have some feminist/queer/anarchist jewelry I want to get made. I am about halfway there fund-wise by selling stuff on ebay but halfway there isn’t all the way there. So, I am selling some awesome handmade wears from my collection of cool stuff to raise the funds.
The items are as following:
Cyber punk vest goth raver club skulls buckles awesome size 48 inches
Steampunk leather handmade belt pouch bag fannypack sca fits up to a size 42
DIY Punk Studded Vest Bikini Kill Subhumans Rancid size XL
Those are the major items. If you know anyone who’d be interested in them – spread the word.
Also, I still have “Not Gay as in Happy – Queer as in F*ck You” patches and I have some cool handmade anarchist silkscreen patches.
Yes, I heard it before that Ebay isn’t very “anarchist” but it’s more for your protection than mine. I know I am going to send the goods. Besides, we’re all hypocrites in this society – I just try to be less of a one as possible.
Does “Punk” Need Capitalism?
I was talking to a friend today and I pointed out how in a capitalistic society there is no way to be a “true punk”. However, she pointed out to me that “punk” needs capitalism to exist. I thought about and I think she’s incorrect. Punk would exist under any other form of government (even if only in secret). As long as there is angry people and something to be upset about and people always find something to be upset about – there will always be “punk.”
Wealth isn’t a prerequisite for punk. At first glance, it looks like “punk” and capitalism are intertwined. That an excess of time, money, and education is required for “punk” but that is not the case. I saw the documentary “The Punks Are Alright” and it was about punks from first world countries to third world countries. The punks from first world countries had more style and made better noise because they had time and money. But, in the third world, the punk scene was/is huge in Indonesia. Even though the people didn’t have the wealth that capitalism provides being the cheap labor the system thrives off of, they still rage against the machine. Even though they only had the resources to have band practice twice a year – they still had bands. Even during fascist regimes that kill off people for opposing: resistance exists. The people just go into hiding and underground. No system is “perfect” and there will always be something to be pissed off about.
It just so happens that our current establishment, the capitalistic system, foundation is based on have’s and have nots. Which has people angry – reasonably so. However, if we did have a system of true democracy, freedom, and justice for all – there would still be people who would oppose it for whatever reason. Not all punk is about freedom but all punk is about being angry at the establishment. As long as there is an establishment and society can’t exist without it, there will always be punk.
Punk is not dependent on “capitalism” or any system except the need for something to oppose. There is always something to oppose so there will always be “punk.”
Review: Vegan Cream Filled Donuts and Pizza
I discovered the website Vegan Essentials almost six months ago. They have the most awesome selection of vegan everything. Two things in particular caught my interest: donuts and pizza. I don’t know which to review first – both the donuts and pizza are -amazing-.
Larsen’s Bakery supplies Vegan Essentials with – yes – Vegan Bavarian Cream Filled Donuts So so good. The vanilla cream filling is amazing, the donuts are light and fluffy, and the chocolate topping is fudgey. I really missed donuts since going vegan but I will no more. You can be vegan and have donuts! Awesome.
Now, onto the pizza. I ordered Rossini’s Gourmet Vegan Cheese Pizza with Italian Sausage. The vegan cheese used on the pizza is made by Daiya. I had Follow Your Heart vegan cheese and it’s okay. It doesn’t taste like the real thing. However, Teese does. It is -awesome-. The pizza is really easy to cook in the oven. The results are fantastic: light, fluffy, and crusty crust combine with the power of Daiya fake cheese is great.
I put off trying the donuts and pizza for months and it was really worth the wait.
Having A Mental Illness Is No Different Than Having Diabetes
I usually don’t bring up my mental illness. Mostly, because people are quick to judge and don’t understand. Having a mental illness is no different than another chemical imbalance – be it diabetes or something as small as allergies. Like other ailments, it can not be cured, but you can take medicine to treat it. You can stabilize it.
For those of you who are new to reading my blog, I have schizoaffective disorder. The schizo-part is hallucinations and the affective part is depression. Both are kept relatively in check with medicine. However, part of being stabilized for me – is needing to take naps throughout the day. If I get too tired, I start to hallucinate. It’s not a big deal but it just makes it so I can’t work a full time job. However, my inability to have a full time job is a -big- deal to some people.
I don’t really understand why. With normal interaction with me, I “pass” perfectly well as not having an illness. People who know can’t tell/forget because I am stabilized. For acquaintances and friends it isn’t an issue. But I have people who reject my friendship once they find out even when it’s something that doesn’t affect our relationship. It’s ridiculous, it’s like not being someone’s friend because they have allergies.
For my personal relationships, it’s a little more visible especially when I am going through a period of depression. It’s not nearly as bad as what it was before – but when my depression gets to a point where I don’t want to deal with the world or anyone in it – I just go to bed for a few days. I am never suicidal or anything. I have never hurt myself and I never will. I am just really, really sad about how reality is and I don’t know how to deal with it. This usually happens a couple of times a year. Sometimes it’s out of the blue or sometimes something happens that sets me off in a downward spiral. Sometimes it can be because my medicine stopped working or hormones or other times just because. I am never mean, cruel, or abusive. I am just really withdrawn and distant. It’s just hard to be around because until the medicine/hormones/emotions work their way though my system – I am as sad as sad can be. But, that’s as worse as it gets.
I’ve lost some friends over it who I thought I could open up to. They take it personal or judge me. “Your life isn’t that bad…” or “Snap out of it….” is a common phrase heard from someone I open up to who doesn’t understand. It’s not just about -my- life or it’s not something I -can- snap out of. I have a big heart and care a lot about everyone and everything. Sometimes feeling too much just eats you. But I’d rather feel than be calloused. I just want to be listen to if I feel like talking about it or if I don’t even know what’s wrong but am just sad I’d liked to be supported.
Sometimes I have nightmares too like last night. I have really graphic dreams; complete in color with surround sound with smell and touch. Which it’s pretty awesome when I have a dream about eating chocolate cake – all the pleasure without the calories! However, it’s pretty terrible when I have a nightmare. The nightmare I had last night was like a movie. I was -there- but I wasn’t -in- the dream. I was watching a knight rescue a princess from a hoard of angry demons that smelled really bad. The knight and princess were bonded to each other through love and the demons were trying to get them to stop loving each other – only if they were to succeed would the princess be captured. So, I was feeling the intense bond and they got really far. They road through hell itself and came to a cathedral. Only at the cathedral did the princess give into fear. She turned into the ultimate demonic monster – killing all the other demons and her beloved at the end. Somehow, since they failed that time, I was transported back into baby Jess. My whole life flashed before my eyes until I was back to the moment when I had the dream. The demons were chasing the princess and her prince and I woke up with the words, “This time it will be alright.” lingering in my subconscious. Needless to say, after such an epic experience, I couldn’t fall back to sleep.
So apart from needing naps, bouts of depression, and nightmares; I’m almost “normal”. But, if I happen to mention my illness to an acquaintance or someone who I have a blooming relationship with – it’s often times a dealbreaker. I don’t understand why though. I mean, if I was really crazy: mean, abusive, and dangerous – I’d understand. But, I am kind, compassionate, and harmless.
As much awareness as there is for lgbt, mental health is still kept in the closet. I don’t like having to “hide” from people that I have schizoaffective disorder. I am not ashamed or embarrassed by it. It won’t even affect our relationship most of the time. Even if they do get close to me, it’s not horrible. It can be a bit rough but it’s not life-threatening. It’s just something I have. But, people are too quick to judge and dismiss when they hear the words, “mental illness.” They miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow. Which is really their lost on getting to know an awesome person who’s “worse” feature is something beyond their control.
