Gender Binary, Sexism, and Sexuality.
The gender binary is a form of oppression and hierarchy. Male and female stereotypes and roles put so much stress on our kind. Things like “Boys don’t cry” or if a girl sleeps around she’s a slut and if it was a man, he’s a stud. Girls are supposed to wear dresses and boys are supposed to wear pants. What madman came up with the idea of dividing humanity along the lines of what’s in one’s pants? What I want is equality which isn’t the same thing as sameness. Men and women will always be different but we can also be equal. I am in the middle of reading a book Sexism in America: Alive, Well, and Ruining Our Future and there is so much overlooked. Just even classic television shows like “Father Knows Best” encourages the model that he male knows best and the woman is inferior. Even recently with the scandalous performance of Adam Lambert with the double standard that it’s okay for some girl on girl action on prime time Television and not guy on guy. Girls can be bicurious but men have to be straight and narrow. We need this to stop this sort of thinking.
I was talking with a friend last night how the label “bisexual” enforces the idea that there are only two sexes. Then again, if the person is only attracted to cis-males and cis-females this works but that is often not the case. It doesn’t really cover all aspects of human sexuality. Then again, why do we need to worry about labels? You can like what you like and just be yourself.
However, in this imperfect world labels are helpful for sorting things and giving meaning. They have their use. I usually identify as “queer” since it is all encompassing. I am against gay and lesbian assimilation like the Steford Gays who want to be the cookie cutter American family with 2.5 kids. I know some people are afraid of the word “queer” due to it’s past and it isn’t PC. That’s the thing though, being gay doesn’t have to be PC – we aren’t going for heteronormalitivity. I am more worried about the issues of homeless youth LGBT (gays make up 10% of the population but 40% of the homeless) than having gay marriage. Gay marriage would be nice for those who want it but it’s mostly a concern of the white middle class. People aren’t worrying about gay marriage if they can’t get their medicine. Universal health care should be more of a queer issue than gay marriage because we wouldn’t need partners benefits if everyone had health care.
Again, equality isn’t the same as sameness. I am proud to be queer and different then 90% of the people. I used to joke with my friends that if 90% of the population was queer and only 10% straight – we wouldn’t have the overpopulation problem. But we do because those breeders want to keep on breeding when there are so many children in need of a good home already.
Looking for a colony of 5's – a theory about humanity
My doctor told me about the “1-5 scale for people.â€Â Basically, everyone in our society can be sorted out into a number between 1-5.
1’s are people who do minimal work and only think about sex, getting drunk, or drugs. They don’t really think about the big picture and have no interest in politics.
2’s are people who depend on the system to survive but don’t contribute anything back to it. They only care for the system as much as they can take from it.
3’s are people who are your average person who’s mainly looking out for their self interest. They might be Republican or Democrat but overall, they are pretty moderate. They vote and participate in the system but aren’t actively involved in trying to change things. The system works for them for the most part or if it doesn’t, they don’t care enough to do anything about it. “This is the way things have always been.†can be heard coming from the mouth of a 3.
4’s are people who are involved in the community more than your average person. They might be involved in city activities, gives to charities, and/or run a business. They might be Republicans or Democrat or something else entirely! Sometimes, they don’t fit neatly in the box provided and sometimes think out the box but if they see the system providing them a door – they’ll walk through it instead of fighting it.
5’s are people who try to walk through a wall. They are the dreamers, the visionaries, and the people who try to change the system. Unlike 4’s, they’ll fight against the injustices of the world and won’t take a door if offered to be met halfway. It’s all or nothing with these folks. Sometimes, a 4 might help a 5 by giving them a saw to help them through the door but for the most part, 4’s have better things to do then help out a 5. 5’s are often tormented as they are trying to get the 1’s, 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s up to their level to shake things up. There have been some awesome 5 leaders in the history of mankind.
My doctor told me I’m a “5†and I keep trying to walk through the wall to bring about change in the world. That I need to realize that most people are 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s and are very selfish. That a 4 might listen to me but that’s about it.
I realized a awhile ago, that there’s a lot of people in this world but not a lot of people who do things. Most people are like silhouettes against a blank screen. Just living life passively and not actively taking part in the process. A lot of people just following the flock, keeping in line, upholding the status quo and whatever is “normalâ€. This world could be such an amazing place if people cared a little to make a community really make earth our home rather than just a place we exist.
I wish people would “get it†and let peace and love reign supreme. But, until then, I’ll keep on trucking. I organized a few shows in the past as fundraisers for charities to try to build community but my community didn’t come through. It crushed my little idealistic heart but that’s the way people are. Instead of getting discourage and giving up, I’m trying to work things different. I got a couple of solo projects I’m working on and we’ll see how things pan out.
I really hope there’s more 4’s and 5’s in the world than 3’s. If you’re a 5, drop me a note. Maybe we can change the world together. 🙂
How to make the Holiday good for everyone. No joke. Pass it on.
This has been a real hard year for almost everyone, and we just had a chance to celebrate Thanksgiving and express our thankfulness for what we have with our family and friends.
With the holiday season upon us, we have a real chance to share the joy of this season with those who are less fortunate than we are. It is often said, that the joy of a gift is not receiving one, but giving one.
My daughter has reminded me of how many people are hungry each and every day, we are reading about how many people are seeking food from food shelters, and such shelters are running out of food. We discussed this and she came up with a wonderful idea for the holiday.
If each of us decided to tell just one person not to give us a gift, but to buy a gift card to a food store (say in the amount of $25)Â which we gave to a food shelter, we could make a difference in the lives of many people.
Please ask someone to give you a gift card, please send it to a food shelter, please truly be part of this holiday season, no matter your religion or belief, this act will help those less fortunate then we are.
Pass this e-mail onto 10 friends, if you do, there is no promise of any riches, but there is a promise that you will feel better and you may help save a life.
Essay: Genderqueer
Are you a boy or a girl?†A perplexed waitress at a Dunkin’ Donut in the heart of New York City asked of me when I entered the shop. “I just wanted a muffin; I don’t think my gender matters.â€Â I said but she didn’t seem to understand, she was rather too interested on what was in my pants. “Are you a boy or a girl?â€Â I sighed. I don’t identify as either being genderqueer but I don’t like having to explain myself all the time to everyone. Mostly because people can only wrap their head around the gender binary and not think outside the box. It got me thinking though, why do perfect strangers care too much about what’s in my pants? It doesn’t matter to anyone unless they wanted to sleep with me. But, for some reasons, this lady’s whole identity was formed around a world of boys and girls. I bite the bullet since I really wanted my muffin, “I’m a girl.â€Â She let out a relieved sigh and then got my muffin. Again, I was forced into the oppressive gender binary to comply with the needs of an oppressive society. It isn’t just the males that oppress; it is also other women who’ve been conditioned to think as such.
In an ideal society, I would have been able to get my muffin without being hassled about what’s in my pants. However, this is America – home of the free if you are rich and fix into neat boxes. Most people can’t wrap their head around genderqueer – which is outside of the gender binary. I am something else – not just another gender but I am beyond gender. People can at least understand transsexual, but when it comes to genderqueer, people just don’t get it. They want to box you in. I am sometimes envious of my transsexual allies because they have a gender identity to claim – even if they are handicapped by being born into the wrong body. I, however, have no place to go. No identity. I suck it up and usually go with lesbian because I am female bodied and like women but that doesn’t describe me. I’m queer but queer is considered to be such a dirty word by polite society.
The LGlittleBinvisibleT community has no love for anyone who’s not a Stepford Gay. If you don’t fit the mold of what a “safe†gay is – being gay but assimilating, the community turns their back on you. It is a threat to society, the mainstream, the social constructed order, to be an individual and think for yourself. We live in a society based on group think with team sports, entertainment and job rhetoric paving the way for the classless individual who functions as a cog in the well oiled machine of greed and anonymity. I – for one, am not going to be part of any machine. I’m not going to wear the clothes they tell me to wear, I’m not going to watch their programming (it’s called programming for a reason), and not going to take part in their world of a giant rat race.
I am going to fight the system with knowledge and education, compassion and understanding.  As Crass said, “You can’t change the system by bombing number ten, the people will go into hiding but they’ll be back again.â€Â The only way to change the system is to change the people. The only way to change the people is with education.
Sometimes, it’s really hard, trying to change things. I struggle with trying to get people to understand what “genderqueer†means. Sometimes, it’s dangerous just being who you are. Every third day, a transperson is murdered. I’ve been assaulted before at a punk show which was supposed to be about peace and equality for being a “homosexual. “ I just want a world where I can go to punk shows without getting punched and get a muffin without being hassled about what’s in my pants. I can’t do it alone. Will you help me?
