On Duplicity
I had a request to write an entry about duplicity. I had a long talk with a friend about it the other day. First, let’s define duplicity as being deceitfulness. I tend to face a lot of duplicity from 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s. It is really frustrating because sorting the lies from what little truths there are becomes lots of work.
I think sometimes people are deceitful unintentional and out of their own ignorance. People lie to you because they’ve been lied to themselves. They don’t know they are progressing a lie because to them it is the truth. Such examples of this is religion and factory farms. With religion, the main idea is a good thought that is to love one another and get along. However, with so much dogma the original message is distorted. Hate and bigotry is the result. People not following what they should preach. With factory farms, people like to believe their meat comes from happy farms when the reality is quite different. They might tell their children the animals have a good life because they believe that the animals do. They aren’t out to hurt anyone with their lies because to them it is the truth.
Other times, people are deceitful for personal gain. They present an image or a front that’s not true to be perceived a certain way to gain certain privileges. It could be for a job or personal reasons. For example, a homosexual might stay in the closet due to not wanting to lose their heteronormaltive status. They might date the opposite sex even marry someone to keep up appearances. The problem with that is that everything you do becomes acting and based off lies. Once you start with one lies, to keep it going, there’s other lies. Before you know it, you are living a lie. You lose sense of self for what seems like a big gain to the person involved. These people are deceitful because they can not even be honest with themselves.
Sometimes people are deceitful due to peer pressure. Someone might be a nice person on their own, but with friends around they act like a jerk. It’s what expected of them to be “cool” and “fit in.” They play the role of the bully, to the detriment of themselves and those involved.
I’ve only been guilty of being deceitful out of ignorance. I think I gave someone wrong directions in New York City a few weeks ago because I didn’t know which way the street they were looking for was – I did add an “I think” due to not being sure but they followed my guidance. I hope they didn’t get lost.
When I was in six grade, I somehow fell into the popular crowd. I don’t really remember how but they liked me. These girls were so much drama. It was ridiculous. They would backstab each other all the time, gossip, and do all sorts of horrible things that I never took part in. I didn’t want to ditch them because I didn’t want to be alone and not have friends. I was unhappy with the situation. For me, the breaking point was when they tried to make fun of a nerd for brushing their teeth in the bathroom after lunch because they had braces. It was one thing when they would pick on each other – because they were friends (I guess), it was another thing to harass a stranger for being different. I stood up to the group and told them it wasn’t cool to pick on people and to stop. Shortly after that, I got tired of their games and stopped hanging out with them. I went and hung out with the nerds because they were nice people.
I think in order for people to stop being deceitful to themselves and others it takes education and strength to be yourself. Act up and do what’s right even if it is the hardest thing to do. That’s how I try to live my life. If I mess up, I try to make amends if I can. Being a master of yourself isn’t about being perfect – it’s about accepting your imperfections and being willing to change to fix mistakes. It’s about not being afraid to say I was wrong or I’m sorry.
On Being Straightedge
I never really took on the straightedge identity until recently. I was talking to another one of my straightedge friends and he mentioned there’s a difference between being straightedge and drug-free. It’s like the difference of being “queer” and “gay” both mean the same thing but they are different.
I first ran into the term straightedge when I was 19 and a freshman in college. I was in the community kitchen at the dorms and some kid who was a friend of a friend was talking to me. “Do you smoke?” “No.” “Do you drink?” “No.” “Do you do drugs?” “No.” “You’re straightedge.” “I am what?” I was so confused of having a label placed upon me for a behavior I’ve done. “Straightedge means you don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs.” “Oh.”
Being the nerdy, anime gamer kid I was back then – I went home and googled straightedge to find out what exactly this thing was. I found out about Minor Threat and how they started the movement in the 80’s. I found out about hardliners – who beat people up for not being straightedge. It was sounding like the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. I mean, I liked the idea of not drinking, not doing drugs, and not smoking but it was starting to sound like a cult. I was intrigued yet put off at the same time. I didn’t like the sound of getting in fights just because of a different point of view.
Straightedge is one of those things that means different things to different people. The best way for me to understand straightedge is like my vegetarianism – a strong dislike for animal goods/products – instead of animal products it’s alcohol and drugs. I rarely go out with people who will eat meat in my presence because it just really upsets me. I go to bars sometimes – not that often – because drunkeness upsets me.
I don’t like drugs at all. Never have done them and never will. I think the mind is one of the most valuable things a person has and I would never want to mess with mine. Not just that, but the trafficking involved is really messed up.
I only been drunk once and I used to rarely smoke cigarettes. They helped me with my stress but I was ignoring the real cost. Tobacco companies are horrible. I just read an article about the child labor that goes into tobacco. It’s really messed up. I don’t want to be supporting that. Plus, alcohol is also made by some big corporation that only cares about profit. Every time we buy something, we are voting with our dollar. At what cost is your pleasure being derived from?
I guess that is something people don’t like to think about. The true cost of things. I felt it was selfish to be self destructive to myself because there are lots of people out there who love and care about me. I mean, everything isn’t kittens and rainbows, I have days where I’d rather not exist or deal with anything but some days are just so awesome that they make the bad times worth trucking through.
Straightedge to me means being responsible for yourself and your actions and also being considerate about those who care for you. It’s about healthy living and not supporting evil corporations. It’s about not needing drugs to be your true self – since you can be yourself without the use of substance. It’s about being yourself and being free from addiction.
Identity Conflicts
What do you do when your perceived notion of self conflicts with your true self? You thought you knew yourself well and something comes out of left field that completely shatters that theory. Do you evolve or hide? What does it say about you how you react?
For me, an identity conflicted year was when I was 22. I just realized I was a queerling and I always thought myself to be straight. It was part of how I defined myself. It completely shook my foundation. I already establish my identity as what was “me” and “not me.” I thought I had a nice neat package to present to the world when that presentation was wrong. So, faced with this, I accepted that I was a queerling, after a year of being confused by what I was feeling. I suppose I didn’t want to admit it to myself. It wasn’t the fact that I cared whether I was queer or not, it was more the fact that I had “defined” myself and the definition didn’t fit. I am happier for redefining myself and accepting myself for who I am.
Some people don’t accept themselves when they have realizations about their person that they might not like. I think this is the more painful route to take because they are always denying themself from being who they really are. It becomes a matter of keeping up appearances and putting skeletons in the closet. It becomes about acting and being an image rather than being you.
What do you have to lose by being yourself? What do you stand to gain? By denying yourself being yourself, you lose true connections. Everything is fake because it is all an act. Whereas, if you are yourself without holding back, you have freedom to be you. Your connections are real – since there is no inhibitions on your part.
I’ve only been drunk once in my life and I learned from that experience that I wanted to be as free sober as I was drunk. I didn’t want to be dependent on a substance to show my true colors or blame it when something was improper. I wanted to be me – all the time.
I used to play the game with keeping up appearances to be what I thought people wanted me to be and not being myself. I just got to the point I couldn’t handle such fakery anymore. I stopped playing the game. I lost some, gain more, and now I am much happier for it. I can wake up in the morning and face myself for who I am – not who I want to be – I am my ideal self.
It takes a lot of working on yourself to get to the ideal state. But, really, what is more important in this world than working on making yourself the best you can be? So often people settle for an image that is being sold to them rather than figuring things out for themselves. It’s a harder path to take but in the end is much more fulfilling.
Sex, Gender, Gender Expression, and Sexual Orientation
This is something I know very well and live. It’s like breathing – second nature that when it comes time to explain it, it’s hard to do because it’s something I don’t even think about anymore. What brought it to the forefront was that I was talking to a friend of mine and he mentioned it took him sometime to realize that they were in fact separate entities. Society tries to condition us to believe they are one. It isn’t true. There are only a handful of sexes but there are as many genders as there are people.
Sex refers to biological differences; chromosomes, hormonal profiles, internal and external sex organs. Such differences can be distinguished by the fact that male and female bodies behave differently. Females have periods while males do not. Females have breasts that produce milk while males do not. Male and females have different sex organs. There is also intersexed that has characteristics of both.
Not even sex is set in stone but is harder to change than gender. People who feel their sex doesn’t match their body can get surgeries and take hormones to get the mind and the body to match. This is called being transgendered. Some people who identify as transgendered chose not to transition at all, others only to a point to where they can “pass” as their chosen sex, and others transition top to bottom. It’s different for different people and is a personal choice. Transgendered is regardless of operation status. Transsexual applies to those who are transitioning, have transitioned, or intend to transition.
Gender describe the characteristics that society determines to be masculine or feminine. Gender is constructed by society. Unlike sex, people are not born with gender. Gender is something learned. “Gender roles” are what society denotes should be the characteristics of each sex. However, gender and sex don’t always match. For example, my sex is female but my gender presentation is masculine. My hair is cut short and I wear men’s clothing. In my head, I don’t feel like either gender or sex is what I am so I identify as female-bodied genderqueer. Likewise, there can be people who are of the male sex who present a feminine gender by dressing in dresses and skirts and maybe have long hair but in their head they are male sex and female gendered. Sex and gender have nothing to do with each other. They are two separate things.
Plus, gender and gender expression are two different things. You might have someone who is female sex masculine identified gender dressing in dresses to avoid raising eyebrows on the street. You can’t judge someone’s gender by their gender expression because it varies. Gender isn’t set in stone. Some people change gender with the seasons, other daily, some minutely. Your presentation doesn’t define your gender. Just like being punk, it is all about what’s in the mind and inside.
Now, to make things more complicated – we can toss sexual orientation into the mix. Unlike people like to believe, sexual orientation seems to be more fluid than concrete. Sexual orientation is what people find erotically attractive. Most people aren’t a hundred percent gay or straight – some people are but most people on the Kinsley Scale seem to fall in the middle. Also, keep in mind most people aren’t attracted to “just women” and “just men”. Most people have a preference for a sex but also certain gender characteristics they find attractive. For example, I tend to find butch women attractive which confused me for the longest time to think I was straight because I only got feminine women hitting on me and only saw feminine women in my daily life and I am not attracted to them. However, there is no defining rule for attraction. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. I know with me, I have my personal preferences, but if I met an awesome person – their sex and gender wouldn’t matter to me. However, some people have personal boundaries on what they will and won’t do. For example, someone who has a strict heterosexual identity is automatically limiting themselves to half the people due to mindset. Homophobia comes into play because nothing is an absolute – labels are useful guidelines but people are really fluid. That’s when people get afraid is when they realize things aren’t black and white and are shades of gray. Instead of accepting and embracing the unknown to grow and become better, some people respond with hate.
I think if we all learned to love instead of hate and accepted the fact we are humans and everyone is different and that’s okay the world would be a much happier, safer, loving place.
Cease Fire, Caring, and Giving + On Language
This year for Christmas, there is no cease fire. There has been in the past. I was wondering if they can call cease fire for one day, why can’t it be all the time? Also, during this time of year there is so much caring and giving to help those in need. Instead of it being a yearly event, why can’t it be this way every day? Something to think about.
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Language is the tool which enables us to communicate with our fellow beings. It is a limiting tool. It controls how we think and process things according to the rules of the languages we speak. Also, it does not accurately define the human experience even if you have words to describe it because your listener’s definition and experience with the words you use may be different from yours.
There are also things that there are not words for that you may experience. It’s hard to process these things because without the words to describe it – it’s a thought without a definition. It’s something felt but not understand or mastered as when you have words for it. For example, there is no word that exist or can exist that accurately describes my gender. It’s not male or female – it is something else entirely but the best our language can offer for such a state is “genderqueer.” Using the word “genderqueer” to describe myself is like describing the shadows on the wall of an unseen figure. It’s a mere abstraction of what is really there but there is no place in our binary world for my existence but against all odds, I exist.
We create new words to define new experiences but there are some things words do an injustice to. For example, the word “Love” is so overused in society. The definition has been so water down by so many uses that people can no longer distinguish “love” from “like”. “Love” has become a synonym for “like” when both words are two different feelings, they now blend into one.
I think a problem with our society is that we quickly establish things into binaries. When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. We should stop fragmenting our existence by breaking it down into binaries. We should recognize when we are being a slave of our language and having a ground of common experiences is assumed.
Language when used correctly can be a great tool. But as with any tools, it’s a means to the ends and not the ends itself. Don’t be afraid to ask for definitions if you don’t understand how a person is defining a word to avoid miscommunication.
On Greed and Selfishness
I was talking to my doctor the other day and the issue of human greed came up. Are humans inherently greedy? I personally believe the answer to the question is “No.” My doctor tried to used the example of how the world is today but what my doctor was forgetting is that the sample population being looked at was only 1% of all humans who ever lived on this planet. It is my argument that it’s the way it currently is in the world is because of how we teach people to be. That greed and selfishness isn’t human nature as society likes to preach.
The problem in society is based in the foundation. That foundation is capitalism. Capitalism teaches us to be greedy and selfish. The winners in capitalism are those who exploit, legally rob, and cheat the most people. Success isn’t measured by how many smiles you bring into the world but by how much money one makes.
Things have only been “this way” for the last 10,000 years. Before that, humans and the planet were getting along just fine. The problem started when man decided that the earth belong to him instead of the fact that man belongs to the earth. I am not saying civilization is inherently bad – the Greeks and the Romans did just fine without causing the destruction on the planet we are now. Man needs to learn to have the damage done to the planet and the planet’s ability to replenish itself in sync.
I argue if we were to have a system based on community, sharing, and brotherhood – we would have a different world. If parents didn’t raise their children to put “me” first. If we taught that treating others with respect, compassion, and kindness instead of being taught that everything is a commodity.
Even the way we relate to people in retail and service reflects how capitalism has brainwashed society. We do not see the salespeople as humans who have a family at home and their own problems. If we did, people wouldn’t get half as mean, nasty, or upset. We’re so conditioned that we don’t even see having the right to chose what to eat, where to shop, and what to wear as having a privilege. Most retail stores remove all human aspects from their presentation – with each store, no matter where you are in the world – having the exact same service and the exact same product. Cookie cutter products for cookie cutter people who like to believe they are “unique.” It’s all a lie.
A few stores, like Costco have policies that none of their products can come from sweatshop labor. But, we as consumers are so far removed from the way things are produced that we allow inhumane treatment for our mass produce goods. Most of the time, people’s clothes are more well traveled than the wearer. Most people don’t even think about the person who made it – how they have families, problems, and poverty. We need to focus on having a human community were everyone gets their share. Global wealth created global poverty.
I think this is one of the harder concepts I have to get people to wrap their heads around. For every action, there is a reaction. The reaction of having rich is that we have the poor. In other countries, there is a limit to how much a CEO can earn. It makes the gap between the rich and poor less so people are more level. Not that there isn’t rich and poor, but really, how many yachts do you need? And how many children die of hunger a day? Think about it.
One of the main problems is that we are conditioned to not think about it and accept the motto, “This is the way things have always been.” This is false. We can change the world and make it a beautiful place for everyone if we just cared a little and put some thought into what we consume.
On Being a Celebrity and the Objectification of People
The American culture is dependent on the possibility that anyone can make it big. It’s the illusion that keeps the poor in line and the rich in power. The American rich 1% holds more wealth than the bottom 90%. That is hardly fair and Americans are addicted to the idea that they can become the 1%.
Due to wanting to be wealthy and not having it, America settles for the next best thing: living vicariously through celebrities and the rich. The rich and famous become objects – not people – as portrayed by the television, magazines, and news. They become a name – a brand – to be packaged, bought, and sold like any other commodity in our capitalistic system.
This is a system of control. The poor are appeased by having the rare possibility that they too – with their talents and uniqueness can also make it big. The rich and famous; who are also inmates in our cultural prison who have more privilege, are treated like gods.
For example, I just went to see a concert a few weeks ago and during the show the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars walked into the crowd. People went out of their way to run up and touch him (it was really bizarre) to have bragging rights. To touch a celebrity or have an object that they were associated with is like touching divinity in our culture.
This is a really weird aspect of American culture that I don’t really understand because in my understanding of humanity – we are all equal. I wouldn’t want to touch another human unless I was close to them but for it to be socially acceptable to forcefully touch another person without consent on the mere fact they can sing, act, or dance is ridiculous.
This living vicariously through fame is destructive to celebrities. The latest example being the Tiger Woods incident and how people just can’t seem to mind their own business. Who cares? I have my own life to deal with and I don’t have time to be focusing my life on people I never met.
Even in death, celebrities can not escape their fame and be given an ounce of peace. Grave robbers if given the chance, will steal famous people’s remains. The Hollywood cemetery is now a tourist attractions where you can visit your favorite dead residence. Even a corpse is marketable.
People need to stop worshiping celebrities and the rich. People are people, not objects. People need to learn to live and let live and mind their own business. Here’s a secret for you: The rich and famous only have “wealth” and “power” because you give it to them. If you would stop giving them power, they wouldn’t have any. If we spent more time empowering ourselves for our own beauties and less time drooling over our fellow apes – we’d have a much healthier society.
A Discourse on Peace
What does peace really mean? Ask ten different people, get ten different answers. Peace is a very vague term – the dictionary says, ”
Peace
Pronunciation: \ˈpēs\
Function: noun
1 : a state of tranquillity or quiet: as a : freedom from civil disturbance b : a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom
2 : freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3 : harmony in personal relations
4 a : a state or period of mutual concord between governments b : a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity
5 —used interjectionally to ask for silence or calm or as a greeting or farewell”
But what does that really mean?
For me, peace would be a state of non-violence, tolerance, and acceptance in the world. No one group of people will dominant any other group people. I know some people’s idea of peace is if everyone would believe in the same god as them. This is -never- going to happen in the world. Even if you had a fascist government enforcing one belief – that isn’t really peace – that’s imprisonment. Plus, people will still not believe in private because of their own opinions even if they don’t have another option. Do you really want people to be enslaved by your ideology? That is a false peace.
Peace includes the freedom to do as you please as long as you aren’t hurting yourself, others, or the planet. Just because you don’t agree with my lifestyle is no reason to vilify it. Everyone has a different path to walk in life and we should be respectful of that. Learning to live with respect and love for our neighbors is the foundation of most major religions yet people chose not to listen to it. It’s not about who’s right or wrong – it’s about getting along and not killing each other over different myths. You can’t argue belief with logic so don’t even try.
It’s about not enforcing your beliefs on others. This is a hard one for lots of people. Everyone thinks their way is the right way. I got news for you, everyone has different ideas about right and wrong. We can agree on a few foundations: not stealing, not killing, and no violence or hate. However, even these fundamental wrongs can be a “right” if someone is say, stealing bread to feed their starving child. The thing we need is a civilization that is civilized and doesn’t make food and water a commodity but a right. We need to build a world in which stealing is unnecessary because everyone has enough. That world is possible but not within the current frameworks of our system.
In my definition of peace, the idea of peace extends to all beings on this planet. This would mean the end to the animal holocaust that our world is so addicted to. In order to have peace, the foundation of our society can not be violence and murder. The military could still exist as a humanitarian effort but we wouldn’t teach our children to kill. We wouldn’t teach our kids to play with guns or watch violent movies. We wouldn’t think in terms of us and them – we would view the world as what we all are – people. We would agree to disagree and tolerate each other. We would have a thriving human community based on sharing and giving instead of competing. We would live in a world where we are all equal. That would be peace.
Cultural Prison
Just finished reading Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. It was a good read and he presents some interesting ideas. One of which is that we’re all living in a cultural prison. It’s an idea I have spent sometime thinking about in the past – how we are all enslaved by the current system: work or don’t be fed. Quinn presents the idea that one of the driving forces behind our prison is the destruction of our planet – which all of modern man is taking part in. The only way our planet will be saved is if we stop being prisoners to the current system and change our path. He suggests that we need to destroy the prison – not work within it because that won’t bring about real change.
Most people aren’t even aware of being in a system since that’s where they’ve been their entire life. It’s like trying to explain breathing to a fish – something completely outside the scope of their personal knowledge. People usually accept it was being, “The way things have always been.” when it isn’t true. The current system we have has been in the works for the last ten thousand years but humans have been alive for three million years before that and we were doing just find until we decided to rule the world. The system is composed of almost everyone and has been drilled into our heads since we were children. “Work or don’t eat.” seems to be the strongest motivation that keeps the system in place.
The foundation of the system is that it is possible for humans to have certain knowledge of good and evil. We have thousands of laws enforcing this agenda. We have priests and rabbis mimicking this in their sermons. We have our family, friends, news, and media repeating this rhetoric and judging others constantly. When in reality, there is no certain knowledge about this. It is all man-made and people fall into the fairy tale that works best for them. We justify our actions with the reasoning “We know this is good.” when in reality no one knows.
Let me point out that the “sinner” verses “saint” mentality is a mirror of the “us” verses “them”. Separate the people and keep them divided by imaginary lines makes people easier to control. They won’t want to get to know the other because of beliefs. You can’t argue logic with beliefs.
So, maybe you fall for some dogma which enslaves your mind or maybe you reject it. That still doesn’t mean you are free because money controls our society. Those who have it have power within the system but by no means are free from it. Those who don’t have money are forever at the mercy of their fellow inmates who have it. The distribution of wealth and power has nothing to do with justice. It is just luck of the draw which wasn’t the way things used to be because we made this system of the “have’s” and the “have nots.” The system is inherently flawed because it depends on people not having. Global wealth makes global poverty.
The only way this system is going to be teared down is if we have a revolution of ideas and change our ways. Repeating the same mistakes over and over again aren’t going to get us anywhere. The hardest part with this is that those who have their wealth due to exploiting of others will have to part with some of their wealth and privileged so that everyone can have some. Those with any wealth and privileged don’t want to give it up willing which is what is necessary for the division of power to be changed and the playing field be even. A golden example of this is gay marriage, heterosexuals don’t want to give up their heterosexual privileges and share with everyone. Humanity needs to learn to share with other humans and species else it will be our own end.
Copenhagen was a bust.
Okay, so I try to ignore the news. Rather, I try not to pay attention to what I can’t do much about to change. I like to act locally and think globally. But some things I can’t really ignore. Like the current state of our world and the impending doom of the human race. It bothers me. There’s a plaque at the Natural History Museum in New York City on the ground right before the room with the giant big blue whale. It has a list of the different extinction periods and their probable cause. It reads that we are currently in the middle of the 6th mass extinction that our planet has seen – all caused by humans. It’s because of the world myth we believe: Man rules the Earth. That this beautiful planet is being turned into a cesspool.
I am in the middle of reading Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. So far, it’s been a really good book. It’s laying out the facts as things are which people are in denial of hearing. Like last night, I read about how increase in food supply leads to increase in population. I know this isn’t a huge revelation – but we keep sending food aid to countries. By sending food aid, they reproduce, and create more mouths to feed. The end result is a never ending cycle of producing more food, to feed the new hungry mouths, while there’s an increase destruction of our planet. The end result if things keep going this way is that we’ll destroy ourselves. We’ll homogenize the planet to only be human food and what feeds it and the diversity of life will be eliminated but we’ll never keep up with the demands. I don’t know what to do about this. False aid to create more hungry and poverty is not the way to go. We should focus on sending birth control and work on population control to keep the cycle from repeating.
Another human myth is that humans are except from the forces of nature. We too, are vulnerable to famine, which it’s a fake famine to begin with because we produce enough food for everyone to eat. It is all economics. We need to dismantle the whole oppressive system we have in place in order to feed the people of the world. It should be about people, not cash. We need to revamp our entire economy so it won’t crash if we give people bread. We should feed the people we have and let food be a right – not a privilege and focus on population control. We can put an end to this with birth control and reforming our economy.
Right now, with the way we are heading and how many species are becoming extinct – we are heading for our own extinction because we are defying a fundamental laws of nature – who humans like to believe doesn’t apply to them but it does. The laws are: The world was not made for any one species. The world needs competition and diversity to survive. It was not meant to be homogenized. Take what you need but leave the rest for the other species. Man has decided that everything is his and when we act like lord and master of the planet – look at the destruction it caused. We need to change how we relate to the world in order for our own survival.
