Alien seeks Alien – Earthlings need not apply.

I’ve been a little down the past few days. Mostly because my ability to form personal relationships has been seriously lacking. I am very straightforward and honest. I was told that can be perceived as being boastful and forceful – two things I am not. I try to live each day to it’s fullest and always tell people what I have to say when I have to say it. It’s getting me nowhere. Usually, when I tell someone I like them I get blown off or ignored. I mean, if the situation was reversed, I’d be like “Hey, awesome. Let me get your number and we’ll hang out.” But the situation is never reversed. No one has ever told me they found me attractive.

I recently told someone I wanted to be an important part of their life – friends or otherwise – but I would like a relationship. They kind of blew me off, “I just wanna be friends.” and didn’t address the larger issue of wanting to be someone to them. I’ve been putting forth some effort and it hasn’t been returned at all. So, despite my desire of wanting to be there for them, everything they’ve done on their end shows otherwise. So, despite my wanting to have a relationship, I’m not important enough to them to make time for me. I kind of wish they would outright just be like “Dude, I don’t want a relationship with you and I don’t want you in my life.” Rather than dragging me along so I think I am done with that correspondence. I do care but there’s nothing left to be done. I mean, I made every accommodation. I offered to travel to them or if they wanted to travel to me – I’d give them gas money since that was an issue. I deserve someone better anyways. Someone who cares to be with me but I can’t find anyone.

I get quickly judged and dismissed for being: vegan, straightedge, or mentally ill. All three have no affect on being a friend to me. But, I can’t find people to be friends with. The last attempts at making friends have all ended the same way: I get their number. I call. They never call me back. I mean, it’d be cool if they would be like, “I changed my mind, I don’t want to be friends.” But just nothing and being ignored is the worse.

I talked to a friend for some advice on this issue. They were like “Play games. It’s all a game.” And I am like, “Dude, I don’t play games.” And look where it’s gotten me: nowhere and nothing. I mean, I’ve been “out” for four years and I haven’t had a second date – let alone a girlfriend. I even had my dad turn to me and tell me he thought I really wasn’t queer because of my lack of relationships.

It’s not for a lack of trying. I don’t understand human mating rituals. I am just me – kind of alien to this world since where I am from – we do things differently. We tell people how we feel. It’s not a big deal. It’s either you want connection or you don’t, and whatever you want will be respected but you got to communicate how you feel because we’re not psychic. We don’t give out our phone number and not return phone calls. We don’t play games. We are honest and forthright. I wish I could find another alien like me because the people on this rock are nuts and I refuse to be brought down to that level of madness.